I was just on twitter and I saw a story tweeted by the Huffingtton Post about Squirrel Appreciation Day. I thought I would dedicate this blog to how much I do not appreciate squirrels, or anything similar to squirrels. It all started when my mom was 12. She was swimming in her backyard and a squirrel jumped on her head. Needless to say, she was scarred for life. Obvi. Since then, those little bitches have followed her around and harassed her. And not just squirrels, but birds and mice too. A bird once went to the bathroom on her head. And my mom's a pretty cute lady, so I don't know why things always mess with her head. Anyway, she has also seen a lot of mice. And she has passed this awful bad luck onto me, her favorite child. It all started for me one night when I was babysitting a screaming baby. He just cried and cried all night. When I finally got him to bed, I turned on a movie downstairs, still on edge from my stressful night. I was finally beginning to relax and watch some weirdo movie about these old people and a pool and cocoon when I met Hector. Hector is a mouse that has been following me since I was 15. I saw Hector run across their kitchen. I stayed frozen on the couch for the next 15 minutes. Then that little *&#@!% had the nerve to run right under my feet. I stood on their (very nice) couch and screamed. The dog just looked at me and obvi thought I was acting a fool. I called my dad and he came over and sat with me until the family got home. The next day I woke up and it took me a long time to get out of bed, because naturally I assumed the mouse was in my house too, just waiting to scare me as I got out of bed. I finally made my way downstairs to my dining room table and started in on some homework. I was there about an hour when I heard a weird scratching noise coming from the fireplace. I tried to ignore it, I really did. But I was getting really freaked out, so my brother came with me, and we investigated. I won't make you wait any longer to find out what happened next. There was a squirrel in our fireplace that was trying to escape into our living room. At this point, I needed some heavy drugs to calm my nerves, so Mikey got a bunch of boxes and stacked them in front of the fireplace so it couldn't escape. Long story short we had to call someone to take care of it. And I stood on a chair for the next 48 hours.
Back to Hector. Last year, I was sitting on the floor in my family room minding my own business (actually talking to Ryan, funny) when a mouse ran right next to my hand. I screamed and jumped on the couch. My dad and brother searched, but couldn't find anything. I went and sat on a stool in my kitchen because I needed to be as high off the ground as I could. Then, hector ran through the kitchen. I screamed for my dad, but it was too late, Hector had already gone into hiding. Hector and I didn't meet again until August. We were on vacation and my brother and I stayed up late watching a ghost show. We were both pretty freaked and heard the air kicking on, but Mikey was convinced it was a ghost, so he went to go make sure the front door was locked. On his way, he saw a mouse in the kitchen. I could not believe my effing ears. I leapt from the couch to the stairs, up to my room and got on my bed so it wouldn't find me. I tiptoed around the house for the next day. We weren't allowed to tell my mom because she would be too freaked. Luckily, we were staying in a different cottage the next week, so we moved our stuff into our new cottage. I was so relieved to be mouse free. We still had the old cottage for a night, so my dad stayed there for the night and finished packing. I was doing my nails in the kitchen at the new cottage when a mouse ran under my chair. I am not making this up. I nearly had a heart attack. Mikey had to carry me to our room. We put towels under our door to keep Hector out. I also had to pay him $5 to go get my retainer from the kitchen. Again, we were allowed to tell our mom, but she got suspicious about the towel, so I finally told her. It took days for us to catch Hector and I was an uptight mess. I was never so happy to get home. I thought my Hector sightings were over. But I was wrong. I was doing laundry at Hudson and sitting in the kitchen waiting for my stuff to dry. I was chatting with a fellow H2Flo member, when I saw a mouse across the room. I didn't do laundry for three weeks (I have a lot of clothes, luckily). I haven't seen Hector since, but when we do meet again, I will not be ready and scream my head off.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/21/squirrel-appreciation-day_1_n_812060.html#s227389&title=Tourists_And_Visitors
FYE (for your entertainment)
Happy Squirrel Hunting,
Cares
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